I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
