it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
