last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
