You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
