Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
