Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
