He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
