The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
