I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
