I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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