Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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