Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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