walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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