Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
