She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
