If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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