so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
