I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
