how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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