dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
