Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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