When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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