You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
