so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
