if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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