at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
