You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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