In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
