Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
operation harelip BJ is a go
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
