I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
