I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
