I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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