Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
