I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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