So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
