Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
