it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
