Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
