Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
