I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
