Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
