Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
