I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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