Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Enjoy the penises
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
