Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
