my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
