my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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