How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
