Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
