I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
