If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
