Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
These tits shall not be calmed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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